We need to talk about Luke

So, sometimes in life, you see challenges coming, like student loans or preparing to run a marathon. You  know, in advance, it’s going to be hard, and often, you instigate the process and accept the challenges. Other times, you are surprised by unexpected road blocks, like being fired from a job or breaking a bone or being forced into rehab. Still, life has somewhat prepared you for these setbacks; you are aware that they exist and maybe you even know someone who went through it. You marshal your mental fortitude and carry on.

Then, there are the moments that come from absolutely nowhere and knock you off the face of the planet. No amount of planning could have ever prepared you for this. Let’s talk about one of those moments. My 6 month old nephew has been diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of Leukemia. 

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Well, the truth is that people do get sick all the time. But, we rationalize it: oh they were old, oh they didn’t take care of themselves, oh it’s just a thing that happens…to other people. When it happens to the youngest and most innocent member of YOUR family, it feels misplaced and wrong. Like, this is a mistake. Nope. It cannot be. But it is. It really is and there is nothing you can do to rationalize it. And by rationalize it I mean escape the feelings of utter dread and fear.

This is the part where I am supposed to tell you that I have faith in God and “He never gives you more than you can handle”. Well, yes, I have faith in God, but I have no idea what he is doing. Faith is not understanding through proof or verified science. And this whole “He will never give you more than you can handle” is a myth. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that. Jesus never said “Don’t worry, if you can take it you can make it”. That’s Louis Zamperini you’re thinking of. If we could handle everything given to us, we would all be fine! Does the world look fine to you? I think it does not.

I’ve realized that telling yourself “I can handle it” endows you with a false sense of control. People tell themselves all the time “I’m fine, I can do it.” In my case it would be “I can do anything through God who gives me strength”.  “I can handle it” is often used in place of “I can fix it”. I cannot fix this. I cannot handle this. The helplessness is overwhelming, mostly due the reality that I’m across an ocean from my family. But even if I was there, I’m not a doctor. I’m not a therapist. I’m not really even a very sensitive person (the term Viking has been used to describe me more than once).  So what can I do that would matter in any measurable way?

Here we are, in the darkness of the night, with a 6 month old baby who is very, very sick. What can I do? Well, I am choosing not to focus on why, or how, or even what I can do to resolve it. I am only looking out for what I can do, period. What do you want me to do God? How do you want to use me? I can’t handle it, this disaster in front of me! So you handle it. I have zero percent plan other than to just keep looking for opportunities to do…anything. Because it’s the “God who gives me strength part” I need to focus on.

My mother likes to say we are God’s skin, that we are the physical body through which God communicates and reveals himself. God will be revealing himself though the doctors that care for my nephew, God will be revealing himself through the food that family and friends make to feed my distraught brother and sister-in-law as they wait in the hospital. And God will be revealing himself in all the ways we look for opportunities to do good. Every day is an opportunity to the work of God but you can only realize it if you’re open to doing anything and everything. So, while I would like to think I can actively do something to make everything better, I know I can’t. I can only do what God has empowered me to do. I’m not really sure what that is…….right now……but…..for the time being, I’ll keep writing. That’s what I’m going to do. Writing and running. This is coming from a person who a) is the antithesis of a natural-born runner and b) has the spelling prowess of a 3rd grader.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, this is still a running blog. And now I am running for Team Baby Luke, my sweet nephew who is now undergoing chemotherapy at Boston’s Children’s Hospital. How will my running and blogging help my nephew? I have no idea. But there are a million Baby Luke’s in the world, a million suffering who can’t handle it. Maybe I can be God’s skin to one of them.  While I would like to think everything I’m doing is absolutely for the benefit of those I love, that would be rather selfish and self-serving. There are several billion other people in the world who need help, after all. In fact, most of the time, I realize I’m doing things mostly with the intent to help myself.  I am in no position to decide what and how and why anybody should be doing anything to rectify and abate horrific life events. 

So, more to come on future running adventures and Team Baby Luke updates. 

First up, I will be running a half marathon on the island of Elba. Able was I ere I saw Elba. Even the old adage gives me hope that I will be capable to do something: Able was I. Able am I through God who gives me strength. Able am I ONLY BECAUSE God gives me strength. Able am I, able are we, Able is Luke.