Are we having fun yet?

Alriiiiight. So, Elba. What's up with that?

Elba, for those of you not in the know, is a small island off the cost of Tuscany. It's claim to fame is being the first isle of exile for non other than Napoleon Bonaparte in 1814. However, Bonaparte escaped after only 300 days. He was later re-captured and permanently exiled to the island of St. Helena in the south Atlantic. However, during his stay in Elba, Napoleon enacted several successful social and political reforms, much to the delight of the locals. Go figure.

 Haters gonna hate.

Anyways, my sojourn on Elba was only 3 days and I had zero effect on municipal law, that I know of.  But I did run a half marathon. More importantly, I rented a scooter and drove around the island. Why is this more important? Let me explain.

I have a habit of, while on vacation, forcing myself to do things that I justify as character building. Mostly, I force myself to do things so that I am no longer afraid of them. About 5 years ago, I got into a car accident while on vacation in the US. I had my mothers car, her brand new car she would like me to tell you, and I was driving in an unfamiliar location in the rain. Well, I accidentally ran a red light at the bottom of a hill and I hit another car. It wasn't the worst car crash and no one was hurt, but it imprinted on me a sense of fear that I didn't like. While I would have liked to "get right back on the horse" as they say, I was FORBIDDEN from driving my parents cars. Ever.again. This moratorium was lifted last summer when my Dad said, "Sure, drive my convertible". And I did. And I didn't crash it. And it was only after this event that my mother permitted me to drive her car again. Thanks for having faith in me mother!

Do you see that look of fear in her eyes? I'm sure I just asked to borrow her car.

Moving on....when I went to Thailand, I rented a scooter and drove around one of the southern islands. Let me just clarify that this was the first time I had EVER driven a scooter and, in Thailand, they drive on the left side of the road, so it was a trial-by-fire kind of moment. But I did it. So help me God I did it and I did not crash. I actually got to see some cool waterfalls up in the mountains. But did I enjoy it? This riding around? No. It was a test of my mental fortitude and sheer will to suppress my every impulse that screamed "GET.OF.THIS.VEHICLE.OF.DEATH!". Still, I reasoned that there were hundreds of drunk tourists who careened around the island on scooters at night and (most) of them escaped injury so, therefore, I should be able to avoid vehicular manslaughter in my very sober, very paranoid, very focused state. And I was right. Though it is, to date, one of the most stressful moments I have ever had on a vacation.

 Thai nature. Ohhhhh, ahhhhh.

Jump ahead to Elba and I decide to rent a scooter again so as to continue the tradition of raising my cortisol levels while on vacation. Part of my desire to keep driving is that I don't want to totally loose the skill and be one of those people who absolutely CAN'T DRIVE. I want to maintain, in some small way, a sense of autonomy when it comes to transportation. You would think then that I would rent a car, but a scooter is good enough for me right now.

Just like in Thailand, there was this sense of "Here we go I'm going to die". It took me a solid 5 minutes to figure out how to turn on the scooter...AFTER I had been shown, minutes earlier, exactly how to do so. When I asked for more help, the rental attendant looked at me as if to say "Is this the best life choice you could be making right now?" It was a look that does not imbue one with a sense of self-confidence. STILL I had already paid and I am not going to forfeit money due to my delicate sensibilities. FORWARD WE GO.

 Is this the part where we start having fun?

So imagine me, riding this scooter at EXACTLY THE SPEED LIMIT, thank you very much, with no sunglasses, squinting in the wind. I had concluded that sunglasses would impede my vision, so I forced my eyes to focus without UV protection. This caused my mascara to run, so, basically, it looked like I was crying, this terrified, sobbing blonde girl riding a scooter very slowly around a nearly deserted island, her knuckles white from gripping the handle bars so tightly. I am sure I have never looked so glamorous or daring.

#maybeshe'sbornwithit

However, with time, or maybe just exhaustion (being extremely nervous and tense is very tiring) I relaxed and re-learned one of the most important rules of scootering: people can go around you. Stay to the side, in your own lane, and let those speed-demons rule the rode. This is the same principle I apply to running marathons. Go your own pace, run your own race. Clearly I'm not a competitive runner, or scooter driver for that matter. "GO AROUND ME" I kept thinking in my head as tiny smart cars tailgated me. Eventually they did, and eventually I got to my destination. I also eventually acquiesced and wore sunglasses, finding them to be more helpful than distracting while riding in the sun. Go figure.

So moral of the story: you can always drink afterwards to quell your night terrors after having forced yourself to do something you hate.

ALSO ALSO ALSO good news of the best kind! My nephew has been found to have NO Leukemia cells in his spinal fluid, so go Luke! Remember we are raising money for Alex's Lemonade Stand, a charity that funds children's cancer research. Go to http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/runcarlarunproject/TeamBabyLuke-2 to donate. You can also follow me on Instagram at @runcarlarunproject. TEAM BABY LUKE ALL THE WAY!

Team Baby Luke

It's happening people. Team Baby Luke is happening. It's happening all over the world. It's happening in Massachusetts where Luke is currently undergoing chemotherapy, it's happening in Italy where I'm blogging, it's happening in all the places I'll be running, and it's happening wherever you are, right now, reading this.

So what is Team Baby Luke? Team Baby Luke is everything you are doing, in your small way to help. Maybe you're praying for Luke, maybe you're sharing Luke's story with others, maybe you're visiting his tired parents in the hospital. Maybe you're his doctor, saving his life, or maybe you're just someone who found this blog and you're reading it on your lunch break. Whatever you're doing to help, thank you.

Team Baby Luke is also a fundraiser. I have started a Run Carla Run Project: Team Baby Luke fundraising page on FirstGiving.com. All donations go to Alex's Lemonade Stand. I know you read that and are now very confused.

What is Alex's Lemonade Stand? It's a charity started that comes from humble beginnings. Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation (ALSF) emerged from the front yard lemonade stand of cancer patient Alexandra “Alex” Scott (1996-2004). At the age of 4, Alex announced that she wanted to hold a lemonade stand to raise money to help find a cure for all children with cancer. Since Alex held that first stand, the Foundation bearing her name has evolved into a national fundraising movement, complete with thousands of volunteers across the country carrying on her legacy of hope. To date, Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation, a registered 501(c)3 charity, has raised more than $100 million toward fulfilling Alex’s dream of finding a cure, funding over 475 research projects nationally. For more information, go to www.alexslemonade.org.

So let's recount: a 4 year old, a VERY SICK 4 year old, started a charity that has gone on to raise more than $100 million dollars. That is more than inspiring. That is a miracle. And it's proof that one small person can set into motion a tidal wave of love, success, achievement, and hope. That's what we need right now, a tidal wave of hope, a bright light to shine through the darkness and light the way.

And what will I be doing along the way? Running. So much running. I will explain more about the adventure of running in Elba, but let me just say, Elba taught me that you just have to keep going. If you can take one more step, than you can keep going. Don't think about the mountain you have to climb, think about the next tiny step you can take. You can take one more step, can't you? Then take it. And keep taking the next step, and then next, and the next after that.

My next step is to encourage you to check out Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation and then my fundraising page (http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/runcarlarunproject/TeamBabyLuke-2). The goal is to raise $10,000 by the end of the year for ALSF. I know, you're thinking, "Carla, that is a lot of money. Maybe temper your expectations." EXCUSE ME?! Did we not just discuss how a 4 year old instigated over $100 million dollars in donations. ONE HUNDRED MILLION! $10,000 a drop in the bucket. Plus I'm sure I'm going to be taking AT LEAST 10,000 steps as I train for my next marathon in...BRAZIL! Also, just to titalate you, I'm going to run a half-marathon in Transylvania. It's called the Dracula half-marathon. THAT TITLE ALONE IS WORTH $10,000.

So, check it out. Check it out on Instagram (https://instagram.com/runcarlarunproject), check it out on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/150453051730323/) and DEFINITELY check it out at FirstGiving (http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/runcarlarunproject/TeamBabyLuke-2). Even if you just read it, that's the first step. Maybe telling people is the second step. And maybe finding your own Baby Luke in your own life and helping them in your own way is the next step. Take whatever steps you can to help whoever you can, whenever you can. I am taking these steps for this little guy. Who are you taking steps for? Go and set out on your journey. I hope to see you along the way.

We need to talk about Luke

So, sometimes in life, you see challenges coming, like student loans or preparing to run a marathon. You  know, in advance, it’s going to be hard, and often, you instigate the process and accept the challenges. Other times, you are surprised by unexpected road blocks, like being fired from a job or breaking a bone or being forced into rehab. Still, life has somewhat prepared you for these setbacks; you are aware that they exist and maybe you even know someone who went through it. You marshal your mental fortitude and carry on.

Then, there are the moments that come from absolutely nowhere and knock you off the face of the planet. No amount of planning could have ever prepared you for this. Let’s talk about one of those moments. My 6 month old nephew has been diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of Leukemia. 

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Well, the truth is that people do get sick all the time. But, we rationalize it: oh they were old, oh they didn’t take care of themselves, oh it’s just a thing that happens…to other people. When it happens to the youngest and most innocent member of YOUR family, it feels misplaced and wrong. Like, this is a mistake. Nope. It cannot be. But it is. It really is and there is nothing you can do to rationalize it. And by rationalize it I mean escape the feelings of utter dread and fear.

This is the part where I am supposed to tell you that I have faith in God and “He never gives you more than you can handle”. Well, yes, I have faith in God, but I have no idea what he is doing. Faith is not understanding through proof or verified science. And this whole “He will never give you more than you can handle” is a myth. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that. Jesus never said “Don’t worry, if you can take it you can make it”. That’s Louis Zamperini you’re thinking of. If we could handle everything given to us, we would all be fine! Does the world look fine to you? I think it does not.

I’ve realized that telling yourself “I can handle it” endows you with a false sense of control. People tell themselves all the time “I’m fine, I can do it.” In my case it would be “I can do anything through God who gives me strength”.  “I can handle it” is often used in place of “I can fix it”. I cannot fix this. I cannot handle this. The helplessness is overwhelming, mostly due the reality that I’m across an ocean from my family. But even if I was there, I’m not a doctor. I’m not a therapist. I’m not really even a very sensitive person (the term Viking has been used to describe me more than once).  So what can I do that would matter in any measurable way?

Here we are, in the darkness of the night, with a 6 month old baby who is very, very sick. What can I do? Well, I am choosing not to focus on why, or how, or even what I can do to resolve it. I am only looking out for what I can do, period. What do you want me to do God? How do you want to use me? I can’t handle it, this disaster in front of me! So you handle it. I have zero percent plan other than to just keep looking for opportunities to do…anything. Because it’s the “God who gives me strength part” I need to focus on.

My mother likes to say we are God’s skin, that we are the physical body through which God communicates and reveals himself. God will be revealing himself though the doctors that care for my nephew, God will be revealing himself through the food that family and friends make to feed my distraught brother and sister-in-law as they wait in the hospital. And God will be revealing himself in all the ways we look for opportunities to do good. Every day is an opportunity to the work of God but you can only realize it if you’re open to doing anything and everything. So, while I would like to think I can actively do something to make everything better, I know I can’t. I can only do what God has empowered me to do. I’m not really sure what that is…….right now……but…..for the time being, I’ll keep writing. That’s what I’m going to do. Writing and running. This is coming from a person who a) is the antithesis of a natural-born runner and b) has the spelling prowess of a 3rd grader.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, this is still a running blog. And now I am running for Team Baby Luke, my sweet nephew who is now undergoing chemotherapy at Boston’s Children’s Hospital. How will my running and blogging help my nephew? I have no idea. But there are a million Baby Luke’s in the world, a million suffering who can’t handle it. Maybe I can be God’s skin to one of them.  While I would like to think everything I’m doing is absolutely for the benefit of those I love, that would be rather selfish and self-serving. There are several billion other people in the world who need help, after all. In fact, most of the time, I realize I’m doing things mostly with the intent to help myself.  I am in no position to decide what and how and why anybody should be doing anything to rectify and abate horrific life events. 

So, more to come on future running adventures and Team Baby Luke updates. 

First up, I will be running a half marathon on the island of Elba. Able was I ere I saw Elba. Even the old adage gives me hope that I will be capable to do something: Able was I. Able am I through God who gives me strength. Able am I ONLY BECAUSE God gives me strength. Able am I, able are we, Able is Luke.