So, now that I am an official runner, I have my official running clothes. This outfit consists of a lot of black nylon beneath a grey windbreaker. I also always make sure my hair is pinned out of my face so that no stray blonde strands get plastered to my sweaty brow. This amazing outfit of champions looks like this:
Now, while I think it is tres stylish, it is also functional. It keeps me warm, whisks away the sweat, and most importantly, keeps everything in place (see my comments about my need for an appropriate sports' bra in my "What Causes MS" post). I, being an average runner at best, need all the help I can get. So, it baffles me what some other people choose to wear while running. My top three "What-Are-You-Wearing-And-Why-Are-You-Wearing-That-For-Heavens'-Sake!" outfit are as follows:
(Side-note: I have reprised my cartooning skills and created some fanTASTIC drawings to accompany my descriptions. Notice how each drawing get's sequentially better as with each cartoon I spend more time and get more efficient at using Paint.)
1) The Home-made Snow Suit
Now, I call this look the Home-Made Snow Suit because that what it looks like to me. Often I see women, and it's always a woman wearing this, who is so overly bundled-up it is amazing she can move. Think Ralphie's little brother in a Christmas story. This outfit cannot be functional unless the runner needs to accomplish one of the following:
- The runner is a nomad and must transport all their belonging with them in their clothes at all times.
- The runner is even more afraid of the sun than I am and layers on clothing to shield themselves from the sun.
- The runner wants to sweat as much as possible.
Now, my money is on the last criteria. Some women have this idea that the more they sweat the more weight they loose. While this may be TECHNICALLY true, since water does have mass and removing liquid from your body would result in you weighing less, I think it would be difficult to appreciate the weight loss while passed out from dehydration and heat stroke.
2) The Nearly-Naked Man
I really don't think this runner is specific to Italy but I see them in droves here. The Nearly-Naked Man is a man at least 40 year old who wears as little as possible while running. In the way that I am amazed the Snow Suit lady does not succumb to heat stroke, I am amazed the Nearly-Naked Man doesn't feel the frigid January air (does he not have nerve endings in his skin?) or the major side-eyes everyone is throwing his way as he bounces by. And when I say bounce, I mean bounce.
There is no need that you need to wear what is pretty much a loose speedo and a mesh tank top to run. The wind resistance you avoid by wearing only your two inches of clothing is not so great that it would grind you to a halt if you put on a real pair of shorts. Stop showing off what you are showing off. How you THINK you look while you are running, is not what you think you look like, plus I cannot imagine the CHAFFING you endure.
3) The Fancy-Diva
I have nothing against Divas, I even hope to be one in the future, in the operatic sense of the word. However, there are some young female individuals who feel it necessary to accessorize their running attire with jewelry, spray tan, straightened glossy hair, make-up, and music playing so loud that I am convince they must all suffer from either extreme hearing loss or have a major inner-ear wax build-up.
Now, these ladies do run, they are not walkers. And since they run, they sweat. Sweat and any kind of make-up, I don't care how water-proof you think it is, is not a good combination. I just want to run up to them with a wet-wipe and start scrubbing in a general circular motion all over. What really drives me nuts is their hair, flowing freely behind them. How does that not bother them!? Doesn't it get in their eyes and get soaked with sweat? For me, whisps of hair hitting me in the face while running have the same result as when a fly buzzes around my ear when I'm trying to sleep: I end up smacking myself in the face trying to get it away from me.
But, what I have learned from watching these ladies running with their ear buds blasting music into their cranium is that today's songs are intentionally repetitive. Now I know why I get the same lyric stuck in my head, playing on repeat over and over again, driving me slowly insane. When I run by these women I always hear some annoying pop song chorus which is usually just a combination of two or three words chanted over and over again. How many Lady Gaga songs have lyrics that are just repetitions of nonsensical noises (the opening of Bad Romance anyone)? For this crime alone Justin Bieber, Nicky Minaj and Rebecca Black should all be seriously fined if not chased by an angry mob with pitchforks alla Frankenstein.
Also.......did you know that I have set-up a donations page where you can donate money to the Multiple Sclerosis International Fund? It's super easy to donate to and your contribution will help me meet my goal of raising $1000 dollars for MS research. So if you enjoy my blog posts, then please equally enjoy contributing to a great cause. Go do it right now!
Next week we discuss DIABETES! Brace yourselves....
No comments:
Post a Comment